This was one of the funniest things I've ever read. I was laughing so hard I was crying. I thought I'd share it with you because it cracked me up. Have a happy Saturday!
Church Ladies With computers-
They're Back!
Those wonderful Church Bulletins!
Thank God for church ladies with computers.
These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services: -------------------------- The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. -------------------------- The sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water. The sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus. -------------------------- Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands. -------------------------- Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you. -------------------------- Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. -------------------------- Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. -------------------------- For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. -------------------------- Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get. --------------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. --------------------------
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. --------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice. --------------------------
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. --------------------------
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. --------------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.. --------------------------
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow. --------------------------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. --------------------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. --------------------------
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done. --------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. --------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door. --------------------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. --------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. --------------------------
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday:"I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
No comments:
Post a Comment